Classical Monologues for Women Read online

  That throws their charms over the worldlings’ senses;

  And when thou spiest a fool that truly pities

  The false springs of thine eyes,

  And honourably dotes upon thy love,

  If he be rich, set him by for a husband.

  Be wisely temper’d and learn this, my wench:

  Who gets th’ opinion for a virtuous name

  May sin at pleasure, and ne’er think of shame.

  GLOSSARY

  cauls pieces of lacework

  mechanic menial handicraftsman

  flout abandon deference

  sleight cunning

  told counted

  engross glut

  politic conveyance deft dexterity

  charms spells

  worldlings lowly inhabitants of the world

  gets th’opinion for a virtuous name establishes a virtuous reputation

  The Devil’s Charter

  Barnabe Barnes (1607)

  WHO Lucretia Borgia, daughter of Pope Alexander VI, sister to Cardinal Cesare Borgia and the Duke of Candy. 20s.

  WHERE In her dressing room.

  TO WHOM To herself in the mirror and to her servant Motticilla.

  WHEN Around 1500.

  WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED Lucretia is about to be murdered with poisoned make-up, by order of her father, the Pope, with whom she has been conducting an incestuous affair. Alexander only became Pope by making a deal with the Devil (the Charter of the title), signing away his soul – which sets the tone for this barbaric world of the murderous Borgias. Lucretia herself killed her own good husband, Gismond, then made it look like a suicide. She is preparing for an evening out and comes in holding a small bottle of precious cosmetic, a gift from a king.

  WHAT SHE WANTS / OBJECTIVES TO PLAY

  • To get into the spirit of the evening to come.

  • To relive some of the admiring praise lavished on her in the past from would-be lovers.

  • To intoxicate herself with self-admiration.

  Lucretia

  Kind Lodowick, hadst thou presented me

  With Persian clothes of gold or tinselry,

  With rich Arabian odours, precious stones,

  Or what brave women hold in highest price,

  Could not have been so gracious as this tincture

  Which I more value than my richest jewels.

  Oh, Motticilla!

  Enter Motticilla.

  Bring me some mixtures and my dressing boxes.

  This night I purpose privately to sup

  With my Lord Cardinal of Capua.

  Enter pages with a table, two looking glasses, a box with combs and instruments, and a rich bowl.

  Bring me some blanching-water in this bowl.

  Exit Motticilla. She looketh in her glass.

  Here I perceive a little rivelling

  Above my forehead; but I wimple it

  Either with jewels or a lock of hair,

  And yet it is as white as the pure snow.

  Oh God, when that sweet Marquis Mantova

  Did in Ferrara feast my lord and me,

  What rich comparisons and similes

  He with ingenious fantasy devis’d,

  Doting upon the whiteness of my brows!

  As that ‘Betwixt them stood the chair of state,

  Compos’d of ivory for the Paphian Queen,

  Sitting in comfort after amorous conquest,’

  And kiss’d my forehead twenty thousand times.

  Oft have I wish’d the colour of this hair

  More bright and not of such a Spanish dye,

  And yet the Duke of Bourbon, on his knees,

  As the divinest favour of this world,

  Did beg one lock to make a bracelet,

  For which few hairs, he garnishèd my head

  With jewels worth six thousand crowns at least.

  My beaming eyes, yet full of majesty,

  Dart love and give bright lustre to the glass,

  As when the sunbeams touch a diamond.

  The Prince of Salerne solemnly did swear

  These eyes were quivers which such shafts did bear

  That were so sharp, and had such fiery touch,

  As Cupid’s arrows never had so much.

  The rosy garden of these amorous cheeks;

  My nose, the gracious fort of conquering love,

  Breathing attractive odours to those lovers

  That languish and are vanquish’d with desire.

  Gonzago calleth it ‘the silver perch,

  Where Venus’ turtles mutual pleasure search’.

  Sweet mouth, the ruby port to paradise

  Of my world’s pleasure, from whence issue forth

  Many false brags, bold sallies, sweet supplies;

  A chin, the matchless fabric of fair nature;

  A neck; two breasts upon whose cherry nipples

  So many sweet solutions Cupid suck’d.

  Enter Motticilla with the water

  Give me some blanching-water in this bowl.

  Wash my face, Motticilla, with this cloth.

  So, ’tis well. Now will I try these colours.

  Give me that oil of talc,

  Take sarc’net, Motticilla, smooth my forehead.

  GLOSSARY

  tinselry glittering work

  brave proud

  tincture blusher, ‘rouge’

  blanching water cleansing lotion

  rivelling wrinkling

  wimple disguise (as with a nun’s headgear)

  Paphian Queen Venus, the goddess of love

  turtles turtle-doves

  sarc’net fine silk

  The Winter’s Tale

  William Shakespeare (1610)

  WHO Hermione, Queen of Sicilia. Late 20s plus.

  WHERE In an open court.

  TO WHOM The judge, her husband, the King.

  WHEN In a pre-Christian, mythical time.

  WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED When Leontes fails to persuade his friend to extend his stay in Sicily, he asks his wife, Hermione, to try. She does so, and Leontes irrationally suspects that they are lovers. He accuses her of adultery and treason, sends her to prison, and bars her from seeing her son. In prison she gives birth to a girl, who is brought to Leontes in the hope of softening him, but he denies paternity and orders her to be exposed to the elements and left to die. Hermione is brought to trial; Leontes acts as both judge and juror. She pleads not guilty.

  WHAT SHE WANTS / OBJECTIVES TO PLAY

  • To assert her innocence.

  • To shame her husband with her protestations – she does not fear death as her life is so unbearable.

  • To honour and respect her King, while maintaining her dignity, majesty and propriety.

  Hermione

  Since what I am to say must be but that

  Which contradicts my accusation, and

  The testimony on my part no other

  But what comes from myself, it shall scarce boot me

  To say ‘Not Guilty’. Mine integrity

  Being counted falsehood shall, as I express it,

  Be so receiv’d. But thus: if powers divine

  Behold our human actions – as they do –

  I doubt not then but innocence shall make

  False accusation blush, and tyranny

  Tremble at patience. You, my lord, best know –

  Who least will seem to do so – my past life

  Hath been as continent, as chaste, as true

  As I am now unhappy; which is more

  Than history can pattern, though devis’d

  And play’d to take spectators. [ . . . ]

  Sir, spare your threats:

  The bug which you would fright me with, I seek.

  To me can life be no commodity;

  The crown and comfort of my life, your favour,

  I do give lost, for I do feel it gone,

  But know not how it went. My second joy,

  And first-fruits of my body, from his pr
esence

  I am barr’d, like one infectious. My third comfort

  (Starr’d most unluckily) is from my breast

  (The innocent milk in it most innocent mouth)

  Hal’d out to murder; myself on every post

  Proclaim’d a strumpet, with immodest hatred

  The child-bed privilege denied, which ’longs

  To women of all fashion; lastly, hurried

  Here, to this place, i’th’ open air, before

  I have got strength of limit. Now, my liege,

  Tell me what blessings I have here alive,

  That I should fear to die? Therefore proceed.

  But yet hear this: mistake me not: no life,

  I prize it not a straw, but for mine honour,

  Which I would free: if I shall be condemn’d

  Upon surmises, all proofs sleeping else

  But what your jealousies awake, I tell you

  ’Tis rigour and not law. Your honours all,

  I do refer me to the Oracle:

  Apollo be my judge!

  GLOSSARY

  continent temperate, restrained, chaste

  more than history can pattern more than can be expressed in words

  the child-bed privilege denied deprived of the rights earned by a mother in labour

  The Tamer Tamed

  John Fletcher (1611)

  WHO Maria, 20s/early 30s, wife of a few hours to Petruchio. He was married to her recently deceased cousin Kate – better known as the couple at the heart of Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew.

  WHERE Outdoors, near to the church where she was lately married to Petruchio.

  TO WHOM Her sister Livia and cousin Bianca.

  WHEN Contemporary with authorship.

  WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED Maria has just married Petruchio. The talk is of a lamb to the slaughter, but Maria has come away from the church with other things on her mind than following her husband’s will sheepishly! An adventurous side to her is revealed. She wants to tame the man who attempted – allegedly successfully – to tame, even break, her spirited and beautiful cousin Kate. Her sister has just suggested that she take herself off with ‘obedient hands’ to the marital bed.

  WHAT SHE WANTS / OBJECTIVES TO PLAY

  • To impress upon her sister, who is promised to a much older man whom she doesn’t love, that you can be a wife and hold all the power – even to the point of being able to cuckold him with her younger true love.

  • To teach her sister that this behaviour is not capriciousness on her part: that she is sick of weak women.

  • To impress upon the women that any wife who does not behave as a woman and a person in her own right, is nothing more than an animal.

  • To awaken an awareness of the very real power within them.

  • To shock them out of subservience.

  • To encourage them to play the husbands at their own game.

  • This text is taken from the RSC adapted edition of the play, published by Nick Hern Books. Omissions from the text are indicated by [ . . . ].

  Maria

  To bed? No, Livia, there are comets hang

  Prodigious over that yet. Ne’er start, wench.

  Before I know that heat, there’s a fellow must

  Be made a man, for yet he is a monster;

  Here must his head be, Livia.

  [LIVIA. Never hope it.

  ’Tis as easy with a sieve to scoop the ocean as

  To tame Petruchio.]

  Stay, Lucina hear me,

  Never unlock the treasure of my womb: if I do

  Give way unto my married husband’s will,

  Or be a wife in anything but hopes,

  Till I have made him easy as a child,

  And tame as fear.

  And when I kiss him, till I have my will,

  May I be barren of delights, and know

  Only what pleasures are in dreams and guesses! [ . . . ]

  And I’ll do it bravely

  Or may I knit my life out ever after.

  [LIVIA. In what part of the world got she this spirit?

  Yet pray, Maria, look before you truly

  Besides the disobedience of a wife,

  So distant from your sweetness –]

  Disobedience?

  You talk too tamely. By the faith I have

  In mine own noble will, that childish woman

  That lives a prisoner to her husband’s pleasure

  Has lost her making, and becomes a beast,

  Created for his use, not fellowship. [ . . . ]

  I have a new dance for him, and a mad one. [ . . . ]

  Now thou com’st near the nature of a woman.

  Hang these tame-hearted eyasses, that no sooner

  See the lure out, and hear their husbands’ holla,

  But cry like kites upon ’em! The free haggard

  (Which is that woman that hath wing and knows it,

  Spirit and plume) will make an hundred checks

  To show her freedom, sail in ev’ry air,

  And look out ev’ry pleasure, not regarding

  Lure nor quarry till her pitch command

  What she desires, making her founder’d keeper

  Be glad to fling out trains, and golden ones,

  To take her down again. [ . . . ]

  I’ll tell thee, Livia, had this fellow tir’d

  As many wives as horses under him

  With spurring of their patience; had he got

  A patent, with an office to reclaim us

  Confirm’d by Parliament; had he all the malice

  And subtlety of devils, or of us women,

  Or anything that’s worse than both – [ . . . ]

  Or could he

  Cast his wives new again, like bells, to make ’em

  Sound to his will; or had the fearful name

  Of the first breaker of wild women: yet

  Yet would I undertake this man,

  Turn him and bend him as I list, and mould him

  Into a babe again, that aged women,

  Wanting both teeth and spleen, may master him.

  GLOSSARY

  Lucina the Roman goddess of childbirth

  bravely daringly

  Or may I knit my life out ever after Or may I spend the rest of my life knitting

  eyasses fledgling hawks

  lure the bait used by falconers in training their birds

  kites ignoble birds of prey

  haggard wild hawk

  checks swoops

  trains decoys

  list please

  spleen passion

  The Custom of the Country

  John Fletcher (1619)

  WHO Guiomar, 40s. Sister to the Governor of Lisbon and mother to the dissolute Duarte – whom she believes to be dead, killed by Rutillio.

  WHERE Guiomar’s quarters in Lisbon.

  TO WHOM Rutillio, an Italian, who loves Guiomar. In the presence of officers.

  WHEN Contemporary with authorship.

  WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED Guiomar originally took Rutillio in and harboured him after she believed he had killed a man. She was very much in love with him. But when she discovered the man in question was her only son, Duarte, she banished him. After his arrest for this crime, Rutillio was bailed by a female pimp on condition that he work for her as a male prostitute, a fate he was rescued from by Duarte, whom he had not in fact killed at all and who is now a reformed character thanks to his ‘near death’ experience. Duarte is determined to put everything right, starting with the love he knows exists between his mother and Rutillio. He arranges, incognito, for a reconciliation. She has agreed to meet to consider Rutillio’s proposal of marriage; it is actually a trap to have him re-arrested for her son’s death.

  WHAT SHE WANTS / OBJECTIVES TO PLAY

  • To make Rutillio suffer as she has suffered.

  • To ridicule him, to make him feel small. Her heart was broken by a man she loved totally – and she is outraged that he should come see
king her out again, having been sent away.

  • She wants to vent all her pent-up rage, her hurt and sense of betrayal, and to move on.

  Guiomar

  You are deceiv’d, sir.

  You come besotted to your own destruction.

  I sent not for you. What honour can ye add to me,

  That brake that staff of honour my age lean’d on?

  That robb’d me of that right made me a mother?

  Hear me, thou wretched man, hear me with terror,

  And let thine own bold folly shake thy soul.

  Hear me pronounce thy death, that now hangs o’er thee,

  Thou desperate fool. Who bade thee seek this ruin?

  What mad, unmanly fate made thee discover

  Thy curs’d face to me again? Was’t not enough

  To have the fair protection of my house

  When misery and justice close pursued thee?

  When thine own bloody sword cried out against thee,

  Hatch’d in the life of him? Yet I forgave thee.

  My hospitable word, even when I saw

  The goodliest branch of all my blood lopp’d from me,

  Did I not seal still to thee?

  [RUTILIO. I am gone.]

  And when thou went’st, to imp thy misery

  Did I not give thee means? But hark, ungrateful,

  Was it not thus? To hide thy face and fly me?

  To keep thy name forever from my memory,

  Thy cursèd blood and kindred? Did I not swear then,

  If ever (in this wretched life thou hast left me,

  Short and unfortunate) I saw thee again,

  Or came but to the knowledge where thou wander’dst,

  To call my vow back and pursue with vengeance,

  With all the miseries a mother suffers?

  [RUTILLIO. I was born to be hang’d, there’s no avoiding it.]

  And dar’st thou with this impudence appear?

  Walk like the winding sheet my son was put in,

  Stain’d with those wounds?

  GLOSSARY

  imp replenish (as feathers to a wing)

  winding sheet shroud

  The Custom of the Country

  John Fletcher (1619)

  WHO Hippolyta, a ‘rich and beautiful lady’. 20s plus.

  WHERE In her private quarters in Lisbon.

  TO WHOM Herself, in the presence of her servants.

  WHEN Contemporary with the authorship.

  WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED She has fallen in love at first sight with Arnoldo, an Italian, washed up on the shores of Portugal. The love is both inexplicable and total on her part. She arranged for him to be brought to her chambers, where she tries to seduce him with food and gifts of jewels. He declined and fled. At the start of this speech she is beside herself, in agony. The break in the speech indicates where her servant tells her Arnoldo has been captured. According to her instructions, he has been accused of stealing her jewels and the governor has ordered his execution. She wrestles with what she should do next.